Feliz Navidad

A very merry Christmas to all! This will be a short post since the Colts are on and I don't have much to report...considering everything has been closed the last few days...but I did want to share some of the photos from our orphanage trip on Christmas Eve. The day of the 23rd I cooked for 8 hours to prepare the two turkeys and two hams we took with us. We also dropped off 100 lbs of groceries to them so that they could prepare the traditional Honduran Christmas meal of tamales. I hadn't ever had a tamale and I thought it was delicious! The kids were happy to see us and even sang two Christmas songs for us after they ate. They really enjoyed the stockings and were very grateful. SO...without further ado...here are the photos from the trip. (You can't see my mullet...thank goodness!). Go COLTS!

...Jane...out...

Twinkle toes

So this last weekend was quite an adventure! We got our off-base privilages fully reinstated, so we were able to travel to Tegucigalpa, the country's capital. This is basically the only city in the whole country that has some of the more "American" conveniences of life...such as a mall and a 5-star hotel. This place was one of the most amazing hotels I've ever seen. The service was outstanding and I only had to ride 3 short, nail-biting hours on a bus around dangerous switchbacks, through the mountains, hoping that we wouldn't stall out or get hit by oncoming traffic (they like to travel in both lanes).

...but I got to eat amazing food (sushi for the first time in 4 months!) and go shopping! I also got to lay out by the pool and take a bubble bath and get a mani/pedi! When the lady painting my toes asked me what color of polish I wanted, I responded with, "Por favor, yo quiero dedos de pies de Navidad!" (I want Christmas toes!) So that's just what I got, red toes with white poinsettas and gold and green accents...amazing!

Well, they did such a good job on my toes, I decided to be brave...I saw a girl's hair that was working there and thought it was TOO cute! I asked the lady to cut my hair just like hers. Her hair was up in a pony tail, but it looked darling. What I didn't realize is what it must have looked like when she wore it down...

...so now I have a Hondurian mullet complete with 80's style poofy bangs...not sure what I was thinking...but I know now that I cannot successfully pull off this hairstyle...

...so up it goes for me for the next few months until it grows back. Until then I plan to start watching a lot of nascar so it looks like I meant to do this to my hair...or maybe I'll shave it off and start over...haven't decided. So far I've had one person tell me I look like a 12-yr-old little boy...to which his friend replied, "LITTLE?!" ...so now I'm a fat little boy...awesome...didn't know a mullet could do so much for me...

...I can't promise I'll share any pictures of this haircut with you all...since I still walk by the mirror and am legitimately shocked every time...and bed head....dear Lord....you have no idea what this mop does in the morning...

Tomorrow we are going to feed the children and give them their stockings. Thank you all so much for everything you sent for the kids...even the stuff that didn't make it. I'm still working on a way to get it down here. Standby to standby on that one.

Esther...thank you so much for the blanket! It has actually gotten down into the 50s during the night a few nights here (I can hear you all booing from here...;) but I get chilled.

...Jane's mullet and twinkle toes...out!

Capt Obvious

So...my boss, in all his infinite wisdom, decided to put lil' ol' me in charge of the entire Inspector General's inspection for the entire base here. This is a HUGE responsibility that usually falls to a field grade officer, but I guess I'm just that lucky...

...so last night I was out at the local watering hole when the deputy commander of the base began asking how my inspection preparation was coming along. "It's going really well, Sir!" I replied, and began to tell him about coordinating with this Capt up at SOUTHCOM to get up-to-date checklists and points of contact for all of the areas to be inspected, etc. As I was telling him all this, he started scrunching his eyebrows together in a look of surprise and disbelief. I went on to tell him about calling the Capt directly 4 times the day before to make sure I had the right information...when the deputy commander interrupted saying, "You know he's a Navy Capt, right?" ....at this point I felt my heart drop and my jaw fell open in disbelief. For those who don't understand the implication of what he said, a Capt in the Army or Air Force is an O-3...I am an O-2 so we are only separated by one degree of rank and are both considered Company Grade Officers. This relationship lends itself to certain privileges of informality. A NAVY CAPT on the other hand...is an O-6...the equivalent of a Colonel in the Army or Air Force.

...so wouldn't you know I've been chatting all buddy-buddy with a guy that outranks 95% of the entire Navy like he's my golfing buddy...huh...boy do I feel sheepish...and like a very silly Lt.

I wondered why a secretary asked my name and business and had me on hold for 5 minutes every time I called. No lightbulb came on when that happened 4 times in a row...haha..oh..

So the deputy commander got a good laugh at my expense. Can't wait to send that apology email Monday...

...Capt Jane Obvious...or Oblivious...out...

My new friends

...so I know how mad everyone is about my hiatus from the blog...but my school work has been taking up ALL of my free time and then some! No more will I take two classes online at the same time!

Anyway...I just want to say...GO COLTS!! All of you know how much I love my team and now so does everyone in Honduras! Today I left in the middle of the game so that I could go with some of the other officers to visit the orphanage that we sponsor. It was such a humbling and moving experience. These are some of the most beautiful children I have ever seen and...truthfully...I had been avoiding going because I was afraid I would fall in love with the kids...and I did! They are so grateful and innocent and they think I'm hilarious! Any gringa that shows up decked out in Colts gear head to toe and speaks the worst Spanish ever has to make you laugh I guess! So I have to get back to the old homework, but I just wanted to take the opportunity to share some photos from my visit with all of you.

Also, we are trying to get some items together for them for their Christmas stockings. There are approximately 130 children from 18 months - 18 years old (boys and girls) that live here, so if anyone has good ideas, please respond to this post. I love you all and I hope your Thanksgiving is fantastic. We are confined to the base due to the national election that is going to take place on Sunday and the dangers that may come about as a result. I appreciate your prayers and I will blog again this week after I run the 5k Turkey run tomorrow morning. For those of you who don't know...this run should be a piece of cake for me because I got tricked into running the entire perimeter of the base last week (which is all mud, gravel, and hills) with the other officers. My gazelle-like female friends failed to show, but I managed to finish the 6.75 mile run in 1:13. I have never run more than 4 miles without stopping, so this run was a big accomplishment for me...always trying to see the humor in everything, upon completion of the run I collapsed at the feet of the vice wing commander and croaked, "Sir, the perimeter is secure!" oh he got a kick out of that...;)

So gobble gobble...I hope we don't have to run like turkeys, but it should be fun.

...Jane...out...

Witchdoctor 1-1 you are clear to land!

...so...those of you who know me well can say that I love a good adventure. I also love to make friends with people who have particularly fun jobs.

In the Army they have a ceremonious "tag-in, tag-out" where new people are hailed and those who are departing are fare-welled. A few weeks ago I went to the "tag-in" for one of the blackhawk pilots that just got stationed here. This guy has some great stories since he's been flying for close to 20 years.

Seeing as how I was kind enough to take pictures/videos for him during his ceremony, he promised me a ride in a blackhawk (helicopter). I didn't really expect for that to happen, but it was a nice gesture nonetheless. Well, last Thursday I got a call at about 1200 while I was at chow..."HEY (rotor-wash background noise), CAN YOU BE HERE IN 30 MINUTES?" Why yes, I can...why? "CUZ WE'RE GOING FLYING!!!!" woo hoo!

I happen to be within hearing range of the executive officer who promptly marched over to me and told me he didn't see me on any passenger manifests, etc. so i would NOT be flying if he had anything to say about it...

...well, there are some people in this world who think that they are WAY more important than they actually are...so I listened and politely nodded and smiled as he left. Then I left and went to the flightline. Less than 30 minutes later I sent him a text message: Can you see the flightline from your office? I'm on that Blackhawk that's getting ready to take off! ...hehe...

So I flew for an hour and a half, landing on various mountain tops, doing touch-and-go landings on the flightline, and making emergency landings on the medical helipad. It was SO cool!!! I was keyed into the comms so I could hear all the conversations that were going on and you would not believe some of the things these people talk about when they are flying! Most of the conversation was about the actual flight...like, "approaching the LZ...there is a cow on my LZ...better buzz back by and scare it off so I can actually land on the whole pad!" ...priceless! Then they talked for 20 minutes about everything they miss back in the states. Taco Bell seemed to win out on that one. I was having so much fun listening to them that I didn't realize we were back to base until we had almost landed.

The fun couldn't last though, and as I deboarded I saw that same exec waiting with his arms folded across his chest...looking rather irked and I just smiled and asked, "Can you take a picture of me and Will?" Reluctantly, he did. Then he thought he could lay into the pilot I was flying with...but Will calmly laughed and shook his head and said, "I've been flying helicopters since before you were born, do you really think you can do anything to me?" ha-HA! So...it was a glorious day and I have taken the liberty of sharing some of those moments with you.

...Jane...out...

keys please!!!!

So...funny story...

Thursday night, the night before I left for my vacation to Roatan, me and several of my friends were spending some quality time together talking about what we were going to be doing over the weekend. We were having a great time, especially since our friend, Geoff, the really obnoxious AFN guy, lost a bet (Packers got beat by the Vikings) and he had to wear a dress out to the local watering hole...for the entire night! Too funny! but...I digress...

So at some point during the night, my hooch key fell off my key ring that is attached to my purse. I didn't notice when this happened of course, but when I walked home with my friend Kris, it was obvious that I had no way of getting in to my house. So she and I searched everywhere we had been around my house, which included my neighbor's porch. As I was walking down the steps, she said something from behind me and I turned to look, at which point my foot slipped and I rolled my ankle...and fell right on my face...not pretty.

So as I rolled around on the ground in agony, Kris called some people to help look for the key in some of the other places we had been that night...but to no avail. One of my friends went a got the replica from the housing office and brought it back to try in the door...didn't work. So now I was crippled with pain with nothing but some chicken wire and a mesh screen (what covers my windows) between me and some Tylenol. I didn't feel like waiting any longer, so I broke into my house through the window...unlocked the door and went to sleep.

The next morning, I almost overslept for the 0600 showtime at the bus we were taking to Roatan. As I get up and fall right back down (my ankle is the size of a cantalope) I realize that I am going to have a mobility challenge to overcome. I hopped into the EZgo and high-tailed it to the pick up site. When I got there I unloaded my suitcase and sat it upright on the gravel...then sat on it. Someone brushed against my bum ankle, causing me to instinctively draw it up, putting me off-balance, and I went feet over head backwards...landing on my head AGAIN, this time in front of about 50 people...who gave me a round of applause...hmm.

The weekend passed with no kankle issues, but when I returned, I had to take the key (that didn't work) back to the housing office...take a form to finance...who told me to go to contracting...then back to finance...pay 25$ for a replacement key...and then take the form back to the housing office. Due to my bum ankle, my troop was driving me around and asked, "Why do you have to go to all these places?" I told him it was because I had lost my hooch key. "Was it small and gold and not on a keyring?" he inquired..."Why yes..." I replied as he smiled and starting chuckling..."my friend found a key like that the other night...its at the Rally Point...haha."

I started to feel my blood pressure go up as my eye started twitching...and I calmly walked into the housing office and asked them to wait until I could confirm if the key was mine. "Sure, no problem! We'll go over and see if we can find one that fits your door today...just in case!" Ok.

So I go back to work after wasting $25 dollars and 1.5 hours running around and I finally got to leave at 530...only to go home and find out that my door was locked!!! HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN?

Well, when they were finding a key that fit, apparently they politely locked the door behind them...hmmm...DID THEY FORGET WHY THEY WERE THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE?

SO...I retrieved the lost key later last night, after breaking into my house, yet again, and as I put it into the lock I just knew...It would open with ease...and then it did...

...now I'm trying to get a refund! I won't hold my breath...

...Jane...out...

Herding Cats...

Sometimes I hate being the responsible one...

So I don't know how much most of you know about the current political situation down here...but suffice to say, that since June we have been on lock-down here on base. This is not a big place and it is easy to go a little stir crazy...especially if you have been here for a while and everyday is like the movie Groundhog Day. Well...since things are starting to get a little better here, off-post privileges have been reinstated, meaning we can now go off-base during the weekends and during hours of darkness...

It's kind of like giving a whole bunch of hungry kitties a large amount of catnip after they have been starving...and then turning them loose...

There are a few night clubs in the town of Comayagua which is where about 8 of my friends wanted to go. Don't get me wrong, I was anxious to get off-base as well, but as the ranking member (troop commander) of my little detachment that was to deploy to the Gota de Limon (Lemon Drop) I was responsible for ensuring their safe return.

This is no easy task when everyone had already had some "catnip" at the pool all day long! But we managed to cram into two tiny taxies and take off down the road to Comayagua.

Remember when I told you all about that "no rules while driving" thing? Well...it's a WHOLE LOT scarier at night! I nearly tore off the door handle as I hung on for dear life! I stopped looking when the speedometer went over 90...and yes, it was MPH. The people I was in the cab with thought that this was great fun and screamed the whole way there...especially when we took the turns on two wheels. They even got his number so they could ride with him again!

After I thankfully exited the cab and stood for a moment on wobbling legs...we made our way about town. It was good fun had by all...a little too much catnip for some, though. That's why herding everyone together to get into two more cabs proved to be such a challenge! I would find 3 people and tell them not to move, then when I returned with the rest of the people, they were gone and we had to split up to find them...argh!

SO...as I was about at the end of my rope, herding all my catnip-loving friends down the stairs to the taxis...I hear the old Sergeant Major pipe up behind me, "Lt, you guys leaving?" Yes..."I'm-a-comin'-wit-ya"....okay, now its 5 in our taxi...that's uncomfortable...especially in a stick-shift...I was afraid the SM was going to break a hip!

Anyway...we were all back on post when it dawned on me that we were one short..."Hey, what's white-shirt-guy's name?" I asked..."Oh no! We left PO Box!" they said...That's this kid's nickname...

Fortunately he found his way back to base on time...so the trip was a success...but I can't say I want to do that again anytime soon!

Before I go I just want to give an awesome shout out to everyone who has sent me packages! I love everything you guys sent and I appreciate it! I'm going to the island of Roatan this weekend for a little scuba diving so I'll be sure to send some souvenirs home soon.

Love ya!

Jane...out...

A member of the "Dub Club"...

...is what I am!!! That's the "Winner's Club" of which I officially became a member yesterday. We started the day off right with a little group PT, dodgeball actually, played outside in the rain and my team won 5-2! A great way to start the day, right? I mean, how often do most people get to pelt their boss with dodgeballs without fear of reprisal...or paperwork?

Well it got even better because although I was crazy busy at work, I still managed to make it to the tennis courts by 530 so I could practice with my new doubles partner. We had only been there about 15 minutes when several other teams showed up (there is only one court) so we decided to play some doubles matches.

...well, I don't wanna brag or anything, but the firefighters always talk about how great they are and how much they practice...We beat both of their teams...back to back...yeah!!!

SO...today should be a pretty great day because, even though playing all that tennis made me feel like I had been beaten with a sack of nickels when I woke up this morning, I went out and played some more this morning...not for score, but for practice...and it was still great. :)

I then got to go jam out with one of the bands that play down here. It felt good to play the guitar again and the people in the band were really fun to hang out with.

The moral of the story is...even though I still get occasional night terrors from the malaria pills and my body still hates chow hall food, at least I have found a lot of activities to keep me occupied.

I am attempting to attach some pics to this blog...finally...so hopefully it works out.

...Jane...out...

Me and my neighbor, Tom, the guy that has the great porch...on 70's night (check out the guy's shirt in the background! :)
"1st Lt!!! I'm number one!!"

He did a suprisingly good job for not having his glasses on!

"Lieutenant, this will be the tool with which I promote you..." I'm thinking, "Just stay inside the lines so I don't have to throw away this uniform!"

Fleet of feet...

...is NOT what I am...

Yesterday morning, JTFB celebrated the Air Force's 62nd birthday in true military fashion...by running a 3.5 mile flight line run. We are in the mountains and the farthest I've ran since I got here is only 2 miles...so I wasn't sure how I would do. So, I set 2 goals for myself: 1) get a T-shirt (only the first 200 people to finish got one) and 2) don't get picked up by the ambulance. I was very proud of myself as I accomplished BOTH of these goals. I do want to improve my run time, but I never stopped running, despite the leaking camel-back canteen I was wearing that wouldn't allow me to drink from it, so I just carried an extra 4-lb load on my back and still cramped up half-way through the run...so much for military-issue gear...:/

Remember what I said in the last post about my gazelle-like LT posse? Well as I was standing at the finish line after the race, waiting for the non-t-shirt-recipients to cross the finish line, I saw Jen and Marydell standing near the water buffalo (big orange water cooler). So I sarcastically asked Jen, "Did you finish in under 10 minutes?" "NO..."she said and just smiled. As if on cue, the MC got on the bull horn to announce the top finishers. "COMING IN FIRST FOR THE FEMALES, LT JEN RICHARD!!"...wow...she is THAT fast...then"COMING IN THIRD, LT MARYDELL WESTMANN!!" ...hmmm...I am now convinced that I need to find another herd of slower-moving-than-me gazelles to run with so that I won't be the one picked off by the lion...that or keep to the trees with the rest of the monkeys...

ANYWAY...my promotion party was OUTSTANDING! Everyone that I wanted to show up managed to make it out...and THEN some! I bought just enough food...and it all went...and had just enough left over to keep the bar tab running for about 2.5 hours...and I still came in under budget! It was the most fun I've had since I got here! I thought maybe 50 people would come, but closer to 100 showed up and my troops did all the set-up, clean-up, bartending and cooking without me even asking...there are a lot of great people here.

I have to give my boss a little credit too. Apparently using a sharpie to color in the butter bars is called a "Field Promotion" in the Army. So I guess it wasn't that bad. It actually looked pretty convincing! I'll post some pictures as soon as I can download them from my camera.

I'm now officially an Lt of a different color!

...Jane...out...

Ever heard that saying...

...too much of a good thing can be bad? Well, there is a reason THEY say that. Because as nice as all the people I work with are, only 2 of them are officers and they are never around. So its usually me and several of the enlisted troops at the pool, at the chow hall, etc. I didn't actually realize until today that I was spending entirely too much time with this crowd. But as they sat huddled around a care package that one of them had received, playing with a 20 Questions electronic toy, trying to get it to guess "butt" and "booger" and other non-g-rated things...I had to ask myself...really?!

So I promptly made up an excuse to leave and waited for my female Lt posse...there are 3 of us...to do a yoga/pilates session in the raquetball court. It was a big hit and the best thing was that I was so much better at it than they were! You have to understand that I am Mutt to their two Jeffs as one ran cross-country/track for Notre Dame and the other is a member of the Army 10-miler club...so needless to say they are both petite and very fast runners. If we were a herd of gazelles, I would be the one that tripped over my own big hooves only to be consumed by the lion...while the faster two would gracefully gallop away to safety. Well...I got news for them...if we were a troop of monkeys that depended on balance and flexibility to keep our hairy butts in the trees, they would be the two that fell out of the tree only to be consumed by...whatever eats monkeys! Hey, I have to celebrate my victories...small as they may seem...

Still waiting to hear...about my hearing...I think its getting better, but its hard to tell.

Tomorrow is my pin-on party for 1st Lt! Yay...and my boss...in all his cleverness (sarcasm) decided to just bring a black sharpie and color in my gold bars rather than ceremoniously pin me on in my service dress...I think he would probably fall out of the tree too...now that I think about it.

...Jane...out...

random thoughts

What the heck did I ever do to Montezuma? I never even met the guy!

The only good news is that my eardrum is intact, just full of fluid, so it can't move...hence the no-hearing thing...still waiting for it to come back.

I also registered for classes today, which was super! I can't wait to have something to occupy my evenings. Too bad they don't sound like fun at all...Managerial Economics and International Business...hmm...

Anyway, I had orders on my desk this morning when I got to work. My boss is making me go with him on an "ambassador" trip to meet several of our contacts in the country. I'm actually looking forward to it so that I can take a REAL bath (I get to stay in a hotel) and use a REAL bathroom! No cats or ducks or goats or chickens for 3 whole days! I may actually get to sleep an entire night without the roosters crowing!

I miss you all!

Sorry this one isn't funny...I'm kinda depressed about how the Bills-Pats game just ended...stupid Tom Brady...

...Jane...out...

What?!

So you all remember how much I loved my time on the range blowing stuff up with Special Forces...well, yesterday I got to go again...yay!

I had a blast. I got to shoot one of their super cool M4s with a scope and silencer...which was AWESOME! I was on the range from 0730-1530 with the morning being M-16 firing, and the afternoon being M-9 firing. I love my job sometimes...

There are inherent dangers to going shooting with SF, however, not the least of which is the fact that they sometimes forget to yell, "FIRING" before they put it on burst and dang near give you a heart attack while your minding your own business, stuffing magazines on a 15 minute break... Such as was the experience that I had. One of the SFs decided to let a few off without warning and I didn't have my ear protection in...

This happened in the morning, so the rest of the day I was rather entertaining to try and communicate with. I didn't actually feel my ear drum tear, but I'm sure that's what happened as I can hear nothing but ringing on the right side of my face, and I only have about 50% on the left side...hope it comes back :/

Well, other than not being able to hear any conversations and merely smiling and nodding leaves one open to a few jibes here and there. The SFs are all enlisted and take every opportunity to poke fun at the officer, all in good fun of course...

Last night, however, proved to be the most challenging as I had to get decked out in my service dress and attend an official Air Force birthday party...we are 62 now...in case anyone was wondering...and the social hour/dinner was 4 hours of me saying, "WHAT!? HUH?! or...SPEAK INTO MY GOOD EAR!" which usually just led to the person shaking their heads and walking away. I had several lengthy conversations with many people and have absolutely no idea what was said...it was very funny though, as I'm sure all of you who know me can imagine... because I had absolutely no volume control as I could'nt hear myself...its like in National Lampoons Christmas Vacation..."GRACE....she died thirty years ago...NO!...THE BLESS-ING!!!"

The best part though, was all of the ceremonial standing up and sitting down and toasting which more or less requires you to hear the commands given in order to follow suit as appropriate. Well, in the state that I was in last night, I was about 2 seconds behind everyone else to perform all of the actions indicated, which made me think of the time when I was in that ballet/dance recital video at the age of 4...dad, I know you remember this one...where I'm the only one completely out of step and off-time for the duration. At least this time I wasn't wearing a funny pink costume!

I'll let you all know when my hearing returns to normal...til then it should make for some interesting commentary!

...Jane...out...

Long weekends...

...aren't as much fun in 3rd world countries. "Wanna go off-base and get groceries?" one of my friends asked yesterday..., "Sure." I said and off we went. The bus ride was hot and crowded...full of local day-laborers and cantrachas, with about 8 of us Americans from the base bouncing along the highway. It was terribly hot and the Spanish musica was terribly loud.

...Let me just interrupt myself and have a little flashback for a moment. For those of you who haven't heard about my initial journey across Honduras from San Pedro Sula Airport to Soto Cano AB, I would like to relive that for you now...

Our trip from the airport 9 days ago didn't exactly start off well. We got through security okay, and our detail met us (myself and one other Capt from MED), but then we had to wait...and wait...and wait... The airport was unairconditioned in the waiting area so we decided to wait outside where we were greeted by about 50 sweaty cab drivers shouting "Taxi!!!" a little too closely. Apparently when you say no to a taxi, it's only good for about 10 minutes, because that's how often they would come up to us to see if we changed our minds...

After nearly being decapitated by a microphone boom, then being trampled over by local Paparrazi chasing some telenovela star, our escort came and put us in the van and told us to wait some more. Sweaty and exhausted, we waited 3 more hours before we finally began the long overland trip back to the base. At first, it just looked like countryside and beautiful mountains...then we came to the town. I have never seen so much garbage in my life. It was appauling. Literally tons of garbage lined every inch of road on either side and the ramshackle huts, that were hastily built out of any of the usable garbage, leaned up against every legitimate building and extended for several square blocks. It was just like the opening sequence in Slumdog Millionaire, for those of you who have seen it. I was not expecting that level of poverty, but that's what they mean by 5th poorest country in the world...I guess.

There are also no rules for obtaining a drivers license in Honduras, so 9 out of 10 drivers has no idea what they are doing...there are no lanes, no rules, and no right-of-ways, so it was a long trip on the edge of my seat as we blew past slower-moving vehicles in the on-coming lane. Even Rome wasn't as bad as this! Because its not just busses and vehicles, it's bicycles and animal-drawn carts that you have to watch for also. When traffic was moving...this is what would go past...

school bus (all of which are converted for public transportation by hastily scrawling profanity on the sides with spraypaint) ...trash...donkey...trash...people...shanty...trash...horse...trash...school bus...people...trash....etc.

Random farm animals are just tied up by the side of the road...no electricity goes to the houses...it is a starkly-contrasting scene from the beautiful mountains that line the background. The worst part of the trip, however, was that no matter how much I begged for air conditioning in both English AND Spanish, our driver refused to comply or answer me at all. So the overwhelming smell of all this garbage mixed with the oppressive heat and the frighteningly bad drivers made the trip one of the WORST experiences of my recent recollection. It also took nearly 4 hours...ugh!

...so, needless to say, I haven't exactly been jumping at the chance to relive that experience by going off-base. But, it is a very small base and one does feel rather stir-crazy after a few days, so a trip outside the gate sounded like fun.

Well, it was just as dirty and scary as I remembered and I was so uncomfortable by the poverty, I didn't really enjoy it. It's not like being a tourist anywhere else I've ever been. The "nicest" grocery store in the town of Comayagua smelled like death and wet dog so I wasn't comfortable there either. I feel like a jerk writing this, but...its just hard to be excited about this place. I hope to get a chance to go to some of the other countries here and visit some other places, because I'm sure that everything isn't this bad...but if you read this, pray for these people because they can use all the help they can get.

...the good news is that, although the power was out for 7 hours today (ugh!), at least I'm not playing Gilligan's Island with the skipper and his cantrachas on some deserted island in the Gulf...

jane...out...

if its too good to be true...

...it probably is...

So, how great would it be to get an email from your soon-to-be-boss about renting an island with some officers and chill-laxing on a private beach for the 4 day weekend?! You'd probably be like, yeah! That sounds great! Then...over the next few days...you'd find out the following...after you already agreed to go...

1) There is no air conditioning in the "cabin"

2) There is no flushing toilet...you have to burn "everything"...

3) The trip is going to cost about 300$ more than you agreed to (you have to take ferrys and water taxies everywhere and buy gas for the generator)

4) No TV, Radio, Communication

5) No officers, just male NCOs and your male boss and their "cantrachas" (Honduran women..."friends" that don't speak English)

6) No food, you have to bring EVERYTHING YOU'LL NEED...on a 6 hour overland bus ride and 2 1-hr ferry rides

7) The island is only about 50 yards long...so there is no escape!

As these details begin to unfold (none of the information came from my boss who encouraged me to go) I got progressively angrier and redder (my rash gets REALLY red when I get irritated) and started flaring my nostrils ever wider until I finally snapped and told my co-workers, who were smart enough to know better than to agree to go in the first place, that I was going to back out of the trip...

..."DEAD LT WALKING!" "YOU DON'T WANT TO SIT NEXT TO THE LT...YOU MIGHT GET ON THE COLONEL'S BAD LIST TOO...GUILTY BY ASSOCIATION!", etc. were the calls that would ring through the halls of my building, the chow hall, and from random passersby as I would pass through. By lunchtime I was convinced that he was going to blacklist me and the next 6 months would be pure hell as my boss would HATE me.

...but the thought of all that time alone with him and his contrachas didn't sit well with me...so I stuck to my guns and told him I wasn't going...he blew me off and said we'd talk later, so I sent him a well-written email to ensure that he knew that I would not be going on his little escapade to babysit him and his contrachas.

When I walked into his office after he returned, I was fully prepared to have my birthday taken away and get ordered to clean the latrine...but instead, he just acted...wait for it...disappointed! Really?! I had totally prepared myself for a chewing...but he was just disappointed, and then I felt bad!

...but it was a fleeting feeling and I jumped in one of the gas-powered golf carts and drove away through the dirt roads...hooting and hollering at my victory...honking at the chickens and kicking up gravel all the way home....

Score another for the LT...no longer on Contracha-duty!

Jane...out...

them darn cats...

SO... after spending some quality time in the Medical tent last night, I found out that my cold is actually part of the allergic reaction that I am having...yay for only 2 problems! Of course the rash is worse! Why would copious amounts of anti-itch cream/meds make it go away? It is a persistent jungle rash...just realized I do, in fact, have jungle fever...ugh... the only good news is that everyone just thought I was sunburnt and/or hit my face on something :)

Tomorrow I get to finish inprocessing and go back to medical. I will demand more free benedryl and hope that it helps. If anyone has any suggestions on how to heal myself, that would be great... as I'm sitting here with my mouth hanging open, trying to breathe, literally catching flies. I forgot to mention that my crooked hooch has a crooked door with about 2 free inches that any number of things can crawl through. Isn't that some sort of nursery rhyme? I think I mixing up the old lady and the shoe and something about a crooked lane...sorry mother goose...

My nursery rhyme would go something like this...

There was a lieutenant that lived in a hooch,

She had so many termites, she didn't know what to do,

So she sprayed some ant-killer all around the door,

But she forgot to close her mouth while spraying now her lungs are sore....

I could go on and on, but that would just be to darn depressing. I have decided to try to stay positive and make the best of my situation. So I play hopscotch around all the piles of poop on the sidewalk :)

Now, about the cats...

B&L, I'm sorry for what I'm about to say, as I know you both like cats, but those darn things are EVERYWHERE! You know its serious when they get mentioned in all the briefings from medical. "DO NOT FEED THE CATS! THEY HAVE DISEASES, FLEAS, etc! I believe the slide actually said, "NO PUNTING THE CATS!" Curious sign, so I thought, until I was chased to and from the bathroom by one particularly angry kitty. I haven't had nightmares about pet cemetary in years, but I'm sure those will come back to haunt me after all is said and done. The doc actually thinks that these cats are what caused my terrible rash because they run in all the buildings and, I believe, they are trying to irradicate humans from the base. Cats may even be responsible for the coup down here...I'd believe it.

Jane...out

bad things come in 3s too...

So all those great fun things I got to do yesterday...I'm glad I got to have a little fun before plague struck...

...I have decided that one day of fun does NOT make me love this place...not only did Montezuma's revenge find me...but I woke up with a red itchy rash all over my face...and a head cold. I hope I don't have goat or chicken flu. Pigs are just about the only animal that doesn't roam wild on the base...so swine flu is right out. Goats, chickens, cats, dogs, HUGE iguanas and all kinds of nasty bugs are everywhere here... and there is absolutely no escape...from them or their poop.

I got to move from one termite poop-covered shanty to another this morning...woo hoo...I didn't know how much we were really going to deserve the "substandard living" allowance the AF is giving us... but now I think we should get a "hazard to your health" pay too.

Once again..can't find the cord to my camera (Liana, could you please check the cammo backpack and see if it's still in there?) but once I locate it I'll send a picture of the goat, Billy as I call him...I guess he is a "goat guard"...not "gate guard"...hahaha...:/

Jane...out

You know it's gonna be a good day when...

...when you show up for morning formation and your troops say, "Hey ma'am, how would you like to go blow stuff up with Special Forces?"...I love this place!

...so I did. These guys are so righteous. They don't wear rank or affiliation, only woodland cammo and a name tape. As the Navy Lt Commander said, "He's north of specialist...but that's about all I can guess..." Apparently they had several hundred pounds of ammo they had to use up so they asked for help from anyone who likes to shoot...my only question was, "who DOESN'T like to shoot?!"

When you shoot in the Air Force, you get a very limited number of rounds, everything is regimented, and it's really not all that much fun. The Army...is WAY different. Talk about cool, we got rapid-reload rounds, all we could handle, and I got to shoot an M-16 for the first time ever. What a weapon!

As the only female and a 2Lt at that, all the Navy, Army, and AF guys kinda scoffed when they found out I'd never shot an M-16 before. The 2 Special Forces guys pantomimed fear and stayed well away as we fired off our first 2 clips. When they saw my target, they didn't scoff anymore. "They teach you how to shoot in college ma'am?" one asked as he checked out my tight grouping of shots clustered inside my 3-inch target (which is what they shoot at). "No," I said, "my Daddy taught ME how to shoot!" After that, they stood behind me TRYING to make me miss...but it didn't really work...;)

...so back to the 3-inch target...this is used because, as SPEC OPS says, its the "off-button." It corresponds to the 3 inch area from the bottom of your nose to the top of your eyebrows in the middle of the face. They aim for this area because the target will have no reflexive response when shot in this area...this is the type of thing I wish they taught us in the Air Force!

I didn't realize how much they were going to make us shoot, though. After about 300 single round shots (that's 10 clips) from 6 different positions my arms were shaking and I had a blister on my trigger finger. Then they said, "Fill 'em back up"...ugh!

But, we kept shooting anyway and by the time they backed us up to 25 meters, I could hardly hold up the weapon. Last 2 clips...fresh target..."Let's see if any of you improved since the start!" I put all my shots inside the 5 (bullseye area of an FBI target for you marksmen reading this...).

Needless to say, the 2 special forces guys where quite impressed and actually offered me a job! haha...but then they let me put it on full auto and blast away...Rambo style! Talk about fun! I was so stoked when I left there that I didn't mind walking around smelling like gun powder the rest of the day.

I plan to post some pictures as soon as I locate my camera cord...this place is crazy...but can also be quite fun, as I found out today...I hope it's just as fun next week when we go to the island for the weekend!

Jane...out...

Today is the day...

Today is the day before the day before I leave for my jungle adventure. I have already turned in my keys to my apartment, said goodbye to my stuff in storage, and signed out from work. I'm looking forward to the future, but I know I'll miss my family and friends, especially Aidan, the 1-1/2 yr old son of my friends Ben and Liana (whom I will refer to as B&L from here on out) who is currently scratching his diapered heiny on my foot...

6 months is a long time, but I have goals I want to achieve and I hope I'll have the time and resources to accomplish them. I'm not sure how exciting this blog will be as the base is locked down and there's not much to do...but I'm sure I'll make my own fun. Anyone who's known me for more than 10 days can tell you...there aren't many dull moments in my life :) So for all who are interested in keeping up with a Jungle Critter...this is the spot to check for news! Stay tuned...

Jane...out...